I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
