you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
