he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize