If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
