My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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