Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
