This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
