I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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