Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
