i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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