How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
