Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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