dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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