You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
