omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
