I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
