he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize