the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
