I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
