can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
