i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
