Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
