My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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