I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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