all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
