if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
where are my eyebrows?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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