Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
