but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
