I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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