its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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