So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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