Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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