Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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