He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
