I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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