This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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