Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
