If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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