So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
