That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
