my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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