I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
