My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
