Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
