and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
