I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
