what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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