may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
