You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
