I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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