dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
