If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
