dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
