i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
