please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
