If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize