dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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