I want to have your abortion
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
