I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
