Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
