Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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