yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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