i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
