KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
