Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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