He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize