Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
