1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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