So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize